![]() Lance determines to get some revenge, hooking up with our leading lady, Danja Deering (supremely sexy Vanity), just one of dads' "associates". He/she is Velvet Von Ragner (rock star Gene Simmons), a hermaphroditic megalomaniac with a legion of followers who look like refugees from a "Mad Max" knock-off. Dad isn't THAT great at his job, though, managing to get killed by the movies' villain. It's essentially a "junior James Bond" as John "Uncle Jesse" Stamos plays Lance Stargrove, a college athlete whose dad Drew (one time Bond George Lazenby) is a spy. It's flashy, and it's dumb, and it's obviously proud to be so. Only in the 1980s could we get something this gloriously deranged and utterly idiotic. (And make transvestites pine for Vanity's jungle bikini) The breast and nipple biting in this movie will truly surprise and titillate you! See it to laugh, to mock, and to marvel at the feminine charms of Gene Simmons. The flirtation scene between John Stamos, Vanity and the garden hose will make heterosexual men lose sleep over her. She's a tough gal, secret agent with a heart of gold. But she's convincing, because she seems like the type who really could beat the stuffing out of someone. George Lazenby (one time James Bond) even makes an appearance!! Vanity made her career on those flawless cheekbones/exotic beauty, matched with dazzling clothes and sexy prancing, works her formula to the hilt. He's handsome enough I suppose, but there is no acting range for this man. John Stamos plays himself basicly, no change in hair or motivation. You camp it up, Gene! You gotta love Gene Simmons, who has been playing in drag longer than Dame Edna. Gene Simmons of KISS fame plays the villainess gal with 'something extra'. You see great and crummy actors and actresses cast together that you would have never imagined, EVER. But it's the laughable, entertaining kind of bad you find in movies like Grease II. If you watch this, it will make a man out of you. This movie is so awesome it will change your life. ![]() If you ever wondered what Uncle Jesse did before Full House, all your questions will be answered here. Truly "so-bad-it's-good" flicks don't try to be bad on purpose. These days when they try to do trash like this, it's always so self-aware and obvious that it takes the fun out of it. This is the kind of movie you just don't see anymore. There's also a rather cheesetastic tune that plays leading up to Stamos taking Vanity to Pound Town. ![]() Simmons gets to sing during his club routine ("Yeeeah!"). The song that plays during Stamos' first scene keeps repeating his character's name "Stargrove" over and over. In a scene that I'm certain was the actor breaking the fourth wall, Lazenby says to Simmons "Oh come on, this is stupid." The movie is filled with laughably cheesy music. He dresses like a Ghost Buster and uses a bulletproof umbrella as a shield. I'm sure some casting director beamed from ear to ear over that ingenious casting. ![]() There's an Asian inventor friend of Stamos' who, at one point in the film, wears an outfit that is practically every color known to man. He also likes to use his middle finger for.well, I won't spoil it. Seeing him flirt with Stamos is priceless. Her seduction of John Stamos I will mock publicly but privately I thought it was hot! Gene Simmons is gross to look at dressed in drag but a hoot hamming it up as the super villain. Suddenly he's like Popeye on a spinach high and he kicks the crap out of the bad guys ("The name's not scumbag, it's Stargrove! Lance Stargrove!"). He is crying like a little baby but then he sees a picture of his dad. One of the many highlights of the movie is when Stamos is being beaten up by two of Simmons' thugs. He also rides a dirt bike because in the '80s dirt bikes were cool. Perhaps the director was a fan of '80s classic Gymkata. There are lots of scenes of him doing gymnastics. Stamos brings perfect hair to his role, which is the most important thing. Oh yeah, Simmons wants to poison the water supply with radioactive waste or something. When Dad is killed by hermaphrodite Velvet Von Ragnar (Gene Simmons), Stargrove teams with sexy spy Danja Deering (Vanity) to get revenge. John Stamos plays college gymnast Lance Stargrove whose father is a super spy that still finds time to send him care packages. ![]()
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